Bryan, Child of Anger

There are so many things I could say right now. Everything is good, happier more than I've been since I was young, very young. I've never smiled so much it hurt and couldnt stop still. I've never felt feelings, I've never felt anything until now. But I realize that. I accept it. So many bad things going on, its hard to rationalize it. How can anyone in this world suffer from PTSD if the stressors never decease. They just keep coming and coming, one bad thing after another. Someone show me something good that someone has done. Someone show me a difference that someone has made. Someone show me what the point is. Someone tell me why. Somebody love me. Somebody know me. How can I be so happy when things are so bad. What is my burden? Will I ever solve MY mystery, will I finish my work? Will I die with an incomplete soul? My worst fear realized. We all most do something that means something. We all have our reason, our destinies. Where do they meet? How can I effect as many people as possible? What can I do to fix things? It would be easy if someone had an answer, but no one does. I realize now, everything that has happened to me until now makes up my burden, it showed me and put me where I belong. I'm here now and ready to begin. I hate implying that some higher power like destiny brought me here, it didnt. The people in my life, that have come in and out and in and out, they got me here. I never realized that the mere fact that I actually survived this far is a fucking miracle. I kiss myself on the hand every morning, just to make sure I'm real. I have to remind myself of that often. So, how did my childhood effect me, what caused me to become me? I'm like a ticking bomb with no set time limit. I'll just tick and tick until I feel like it. Then, when none of you expect it, bam.