Not
Sure
If
What
I'm
Doing
Is
Right.
I don't know if I'm taking the right actions. I'm concerned my head is messing with me, over thinking it. Because it makes my body move without thinking. I haven't seen it do that in a long time, at least not for something so unexpected. I guess what I'm saying is I don't know how real it is. It doesn't feel real, it doesn't seem possible. And here it is staring me in the face. Like waiting a whole year to eat a cake on your birthday, only to realize you don't like the taste. It's so rich that you can't eat it. I just don't know how to be.
I
Want
To
Change
Everything.
The break should be pleasant. It always is. I guess I just don't know enough yet. I feel like I'm walking on to a live TV set and I don't know my lines. I remembered why I avoided this nervousness so long. I've been wearing my bullet proof vest everywhere I go and now I'm addicted.
I
Have
To
Learn
To
Take
It
Off.
If I had three weeks to live, I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd say goodbye in my own way. I'd quit my job. I'd go to California. I'd let everyone believe I was doing fine. Three weeks is long enough to establish the ideas. I'd take as much money as I needed, open credit cards, whatever I needed. I'd live on the beach. When the end got near I'd make sure my pets had a good place to go. I would probably get married. Then I would just fade out, like an old star.
Let
The
Light
Fade
Away.
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