Time

We can feel it. The way I perceive it is much different than you. Although that is an assumption, it could be just the same.

Is this a test? I fear I'll endure it often. What schemes do I unfold into this layered problem? How do I solve it? Can I fix things? Or do I strive to make it happy?

I can't believe the things I hear. It's just enough to cause me fear. I hate to rhyme, but it's my time.

I can almost see the future, I know where I'll be. This pain has been beautiful.

In my body I ache, my muscles are sore, something strange is happening. I'm becoming someone I don't even know. How quickly things change.

So tired and weak I cannot even speak. If that old girl had saved me, now I wouldn't need saving. Could I really do this, for now or ever?

Two of us, we can change things.

I can't believe how things got me here. Not fate that did it, just circumstance. I'm lucky, I also tried very hard to make it this far. I'm understanding I do not give myself enough credit. I've worked my ass off just to get right here. It's a much more satisfying frame of mind.

I've been sabotaged by guilt trips in the past, by my mother, brother, old dad, old girlfriend, etc etc. But I actually am a good person and I deserve to feel like it. Maybe I make things look too easy for me. It never is though. Honestly, I am surprised I made it this far in life. 6 years ago I thought I'd be dead by now. I didn't even think about the future, let alone care about it.

I do now. I want my life to mean something. Since I can remember it has been a compulsion to try and effect everyone I meet in some way. I hope I do. When I leave I want to leave the people I've interacted with just a little part of me. Even if it's something bad or just innane. I just want to know I mattered and that I did something.

Maybe that's why I'm still here. I haven't completed this task yet. I am slowly getting there, every day clicks in something new to the puzzle. I'm constructing myself by deconstructing life. Where this will lead me, I don't know.

But I can say, with certainty, that where I am now. How I am feeling and the thoughts in my head are all new. I love it.

I feel another peice of the puzzle is coming together, I've never felt a connection to someone like this. Not even that we are similar (we are though) it's just that I get it. No explanation is ever needed. But, I always get one anyways.

I feel like I'm in High School again, only this time I'm more guarded and rational. It's a good feeling. You should definitely try it.

I know this has been said, but even if this ends tomorrow, I will carry these memories and deeper understanding of things forever. The past 12 months have changed me. For awhile I thought it was for the worse, but I'm actually a better person, a newer person, much less cynical, yet still skeptical. Balanced is the best word to describe it.

There have been so many things that have happened, all sorts of different experiences. But, my favorite (by far) is her.