changes

Sorry how things change so quickly, I've noticed that lately.
It's not like a feel all that different or that I feel like I'm stronger now, it's not that. It's just that I see things differently and I dont think it's such a great thing for everyone else.
I'm stuck inside myself for the rest of my life and I'm never coming out again.
I can be so happy, so jealous, so appreciative of everyone.
I think if there is one person that deserves it more than me then it's him and I hope it makes him happier than he is now.
Fantastic, seriously, he's a lucky guy.
So now I'm here, dealing with everything but no one to deal with it with.
This is pretty much why I left in the first place.
Now I'm going back and I have to go deal with this fucked up feeling of being dead and surrounded by people I know.
I haven't spoken about myself, truthfully, in a few days.
Everyone has fallen in love with someone who doesnt exist and it's beautiful and I want to chew it up and swallow it.
But I cant something will always pull me back.
There's a sadness in my stomach and it's rising to the surface and I cant stop it.
I want my eyes to burn this hard, I want to hate everything now and just run away so no one can find me and I can do it here, be gone from everything I know forever.
That would be fine now.
But I cant do it, I'm not strong enough.
This wont be the end of my life and things will not be like this until the end, but trust me, it sucks now.
All the words written here are written perfectly and if you look away, so they are all blurry you'll see what I mean.
Home.
Sooner than I thought and yet no one seems to be that welcoming. No one can really focus away from themselves long enough to see me, walking through the door and then I'll leave as quietly as I came and thats fine because what I have now makes me happy.
I'll come back to my solitude, my respite and I'll be glad and it will welcome me with open arms.
I cant believe the feeling I finally escaped has come back so fast and I haven't even left yet.
The feeling, it's overshadowed everything I've done since I was born, for the past three years and I couldnt shake it, not until I arrived here, to reality.
And now I have to let it all go.