Accusation of a Broken Shell

I do not understand people sometimes. You can give all of yourself to someone, yet some people are so unsatisfied with themselves and their own lives that they spew all their problems on you. It's collateral damage, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I guess the problem is trust. Everyone has issues with this, in fact it seems to be one of the biggest reasons people have problems with one another. I don't trust a police officer because I know what they do to people they don't like. I don't trust a man selling rolexs on the street because they may be stolen. I don't trust the guy that walks up to my car and asks me for change. I don't trust people that don't trust me.

I know I've done things to people that have hurt them. I have lied to people. However, I'm not that person anymore. I care about how my actions effect others. I know so many "adults" that I cannot categorize as such, because all they care about are themselves.

Its interesting though, as much as you love someone or care about them, accusing them of something without even the consideration of conversation hurts. It tells me everything I need to know about that person, especially the fact that they are (above everything else) selfish and broken. I no longer want to help them fix it, because I no longer care.

It's just sad, I suppose, that I have such a misguided sense of people. One side of me wants to see the best in everyone, but the other side is keenly aware of potential pit-falls.

I want to help everyone. I guess I'd really like for the people I care about to return the favor. It just doesn't happen that way in reality.

In reality, people lie to further their agendas. They lie to make themselves look better. They lie to fit in.

Out of all these priorities, I have none.

In fact, if someone is lucky enough to get on the inside of this little circle, priorities are meaningless. It's a place not many get to be. But it means something. It means that I just enjoy being around that person. They usually make my life feel a little more complete. I guess I just need to be more selective on who I let in, because my radar is obviously off.

In fact, this isn't a new development for me. It's just that this time it hurt more than usual, because I actually gave a shit. But, it's all done with now. I have nothing left to give. Fortunately, that's not something that always occurs. I hold grudges, but sometimes people are worth it.

This is one of those times.