The Conflagration of My Life

There she is, always in the back of my mind. Here I am, proud and ready. Where will it take me this time? It's been so many years and the feelings still remain. What do I do about them? My head is telling me one thing but my heart tells me another. It's been so long and yet it still feels like that day in the basement, where things seemed to start. I've been so many places since then, done so many things. She's always been there, inspiring me and giving me hope for a bright future.

The near future will tell what surprises are held. If I'm being honest it's sustaining me. The only person I know that truly loves me. I know this because I love her and can not imagine a life without her. I've tried it, it does nothing for me. I'm her's and always will be. Every song I've sung with her in mind. Every thought eventually leads to her.

How can it be that way? After everything that has happened I'm not sure she needs me. But this is something I can't give up on. I've stayed up too many nights the past 5 years imagining what my life would be like with her. Why did I get so scared? Nothing has changed, I know she makes me happy. Why did I push her away?

I want to tell her this but I don't know how. I know she knows, but I know she wants to hear me say it. The only thing I know for sure is that I miss her lips and the warmth she gives me everytime I need it. Whenever things have been terrible, she's been there. In the end, she does care about me and I don't think she wants to let me go. I don't want her to let me go.

I know things will be ok, I just need to get through all of this. It's going to be hell, but I don't mind it at all. A short bit of suffering means nothing in the potential for a consistent future of happiness.